本期给大家精选了商务英语中，专家点评的网友作文，供大家参考借鉴：
本期题目：
You are the office manager at an insurance company. You have arranged for contractors to upgrade your computer system. This means the system will be shut down for a full day.
Write a memo of 40-50 words:
informing staff of the shutdown
telling them when it will happen
asking them to prepare alternative work for the day.
商务写作中遵循的原则是：简洁，精确，礼貌。在考试中或者工作中，格式基本已经给出，所以只需要我们写正文即可。正文中我们写作要做到选词精当，一针见血，语法正确，不出低级错误的句子。备忘录属于半正式的文体写作，所以在句子选择上可以适当放宽，不必太正式。
网友作文：
1. 飞天海贝
MEMORANDUM
from : Tom TO : all staff
date : 25/8
Because our computor system will be upgraded by the contractors on 28 AUGUEST, so the system[1] will be shut down for a full day on that day , i[2] ask for you prepare alternative work for the day. and the work don't use computer system .
i think you can give a good performance to me to pass the accident[3] .
TOM
2. maybe1
From: office manager
To: all staff
Subject: the company system
I would like to notify you that[4] the computer system of our company's will be shut down on this Tuesday for a whole day long[5] on account of the system needs a upgrade[6] .Therefore, please taking notice of this event in advance, in case of some potential inconveniences and troubles on Tuesday, yet prepare alternative work for that day[7] .
Thank you[8] .
3. truezys
Dear all:
The file system will shtudown【9] due to system maintainance next Friday.
It will take a full day to finish this job.[10]
Please do not acccess the[雨林木风11] file server that day and backup your files one [12] it.
4. Vivian0211
From: office Manager
To: all staff
Subject: upgarde of computer system
As our computer system need to be upgraded, we have arranged the contarctors to upgrade the them[13] on Wedesday. On that day all computers should be shutted down for a full day, so you need arrange some alternative work for that day.
5. 木纤
All of the staff:
We have arranged for contractors to upgrade our computer system, so it will be shut down from 0:00,1st, Jan. to 0:00, 2nd, Jan. Please prepare alternative work for the day.
If you have any problem, you can contact with us at any time.[14]
[1]Business writing 中尽量少使用because….so… 这样的结构，看起来不够专业，改为：As we plan to upgrade…..
[2]有中式英文的痕迹：我要求你们。。。。改为：please prepare alternative work if you have to use the computer.
[3]这不能算作accident, 既然已经计划好了。整句去掉。换成thank you.
[4]去掉这个开头，直接用被动语态开头。
[5]去掉，多余了。
[6]如果你不能保证用长复句可以表达清楚，那么建议换成短句吧。拆成几个短句也许表达更贴切呢。
[7]这句话看起来非常不清楚，主语在哪里?please 的后面是吗?改成：please make sure that you have prepared alternative work.
[8]另换一行
[9]够干练了，语法错误多。 Be shut down
[10]去掉
[11]Access to
[12]On it ?
[13]第一: 不要重复使用前面已经用过的词;第二：指代错误，前面说的system 是单数，怎么到这里变成了them? 合成一句：as we have arranged the contractor to upgrade our computer system.
[14]Anytime 就可以了。 整个memo 写得很清晰干练，很好!